2/23/06

It's been barely over one month since moving out of dad's house. There's lots to like about my new room - for one, I have a view of the ocean and BIG SPLASH - a historic, giant rainbow waterslide. I'm also just 3 minutes drive to the park to rollerblade. Of course, neither of these were the motivating factors to move out of the lovely old house... and I'm still trying to figure out why I did it. The usual reasons have their part to play - freedom, independence and a little personal space - but in truth I think I had these already in dad's house.

I think that I've come to the conclusion that my move was just another step in reassuring myself that I'm not just another stereotype rich man's son. Now either there's no running away from it and I still am, or I'm not convinced yet, and maybe this is just the wrong path to be beating down.

Dad has been sick for a couple of days and was still burning a low fever when we had dinner earlier tonight. If anything, I feel like an even more useless son for not being aware of his sickness and not being around to do anything about it. Times like that really make me wonder where I first went wrong while growing up, and it sure does take some time before I remember that this is all a part of life's journey of smelling the roses. And then some more.

not so straight up hereafter titled not so street smart

I'm living evidence that luck can get a person through at least 25 years of his life, though I guess its to do with those miraculous forces of the universe that stump us when reading our horoscope.

Anyway.

As always, I've been thinking hard about the whole meaning of life and how mine has none and I wonder whats next and how to be different from everybody else and how it sucks to feel so unaccomplished and why do I keep going down these war paths with myself. Enough.

But I remembered again, like I did not-so-many years ago, that maybe the focus can't be on the prizes of my own life anymore. Not the building of my wealth, nor my own amassing of luxuries or indulgences... Maybe working my days away so that I can get into a unit trust in Russia doesn't do much for helping me to find my purpose on this planet... and maybe I have to have one.

I think if I did something for this place, I'd be happy.


Barry, the Champion of the World