SALARY - VISA BILL = squat.

AAAAARRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Must find peace...peace...peace...

101 ways to stop biting

and this is what I've come up with


cellophane nail & finger tip protectors...
very inconvenient for taking a piss

Meek is the man

After hearing "Do you remember" again (Thanks Jaime!) I got around to checking out Jill Scott again. It's been a long while since I first heard about Jill, but she's come at the right time.

I also spent a few hours tonight with my ex-colleague from Hong Seh, who has taken great pains this lifetime to remind me over & over & over again where to find peace. Because I keep forgetting. Indeed, its definitely time to take a step back and find some perspective before the ridiculous cycle of each day-week-month polishes off another year of my life.

Growing

It's always like that. I think, just for one second, that I'm starting to get a hold of things, starting to mature a little, getting into being my own man, and life screams back

YA THINK?!

Yesterday I felt about 1" tall whilst speaking with someone at work whom I had hurt by means of a misdirected SMS... Yeah, one of those messages that you send to the wrong person (usually the one that you're talking about IN the SMS). It wasn't extremely derogatory, but it simply had no place in a professional setting.

During the aftermath discussions at home, conclusions trekked back to the long-established rule of not mixing personal emotions with the workplace - which if you think about, humans being emotional beings, is pretty fucking unnatural... which would explain why... ohhh. Right.

It seems that the solution to my little work dilemma at the moment is to swallow shit when I need to. To patronize when necessary. Manage other's opinions of me. "Grow up", as I was told... as I'm starting to think... And it's triggered panic in all the little cells in my body that I'd once promised that I'd never grow up.

But who cares how I feel? A job is a job. And a grown-up ought to know that. And besides, I still struggle not to confuse affirming my own feelings with getting self-righteous. At times like these, I do think maybe its just time to leave the boy in me behind... but I worry that if I did, I'd become just another one of everybody else.


Anguish: Waiting for the ambulance
that came late.

Today

At work today, one of our one-&-a-half-month-old new hires was asked to hand in his resignation with immediate effect. He's been having a difficult time fitting with the office people and despite trying really hard, it hasn't worked out. Guess its one of these things where the harder you try, the harder it becomes.

The episode served as a reminder of the cold corporate world that I live in at the moment, and its got me thinking a little as to why I ever got started in it in the first place. Was it the money? Or the safe-bet-career-path? There's little doubt that I'm less clear on that than I was before my entry into the rat race, and it scares me how quickly I've forgotten, and how I've let go of those original ideals where living free and doing what I loved reigned over all other practicalities.

What have I become...?

And then I remember that the plan is still to gather some experience as a corporate rat before joining the band of inspired people and starting a business with a real cause. Like getting Singapore to recycle office paper.

My soul's at the pawn shop a few more years... don't nobody buy it.

Sometimes, my only regret with breaking my hand is that I can't hit something else.